“How I picture it: We are all nesting dolls, carrying the earlier iterations of ourselves inside. We carry the past inside us. We take ourselves–all of our selves–wherever we go." 

― Maggie Smith, You Could Make This Place Beautiful

I would like to unpack all the past versions of myself and arrange them on a beautiful table to admire one by one. I would allow each of them to have their say, without interruption or judgement, followed by a short question and answer period. The nesting dolls would be in order chronologically, but not necessarily be spaced out in equal increments. Rather they would show up when they felt they needed to be seen and heard. I know there would be some that would bring me such joy that I would not want to go any further; while others would impart such wisdom and astute awareness that I would pause and wonder where she vanished too. There would be some that would be very hard to revisit, tempting me knock them to the floor before they had their say, and some that would just made me role my eyes.

I would place today’s version out on the table with a promise to never give up on her. I would tell her that this was her time now and I am doing my very best to find her, even when it feels selfish or awkward. I would, with confidence, assure her that we have always done our very best, followed our heart and done amazing things, often with a strength we didn’t know we had. Together, we now have a chance to let go of all the regrets, anger, and resentment and focus on love instead. I would suggest we do this wholeheartedly, as a team with all the love we can muster up.

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“Accept that you are a work in progress, both a revision and a draft: you are better and more complete than earlier versions of yourself, but you also have work to do.
Be open to change. Allow yourself to be revised.” 
― Maggie Smith, Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change