“On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards where the fruits were jewels. “
- Charles Dickins
Autumn teases us with its cool nights, while the apples send out their tantalizing scent come mid-day, reminding me that applesauce season is upon us.
***
“It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive.
There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.”
― George Eliot
I start most of my days in my garden, often in my morning clothes, my latte in hand. Most days the dog comes with me, nose in the air, making sure the yard is free of unwanted critters that he might need to chaise. I stroll excited to see what unfolded overnight. I do an inventory of the bird baths, which will tell me if I need to water now or if it can wait until evening. The garden is never the same, roses unfold as leaves turn color, and I hunger for what I might find.
By the time September rolls around I am more than ready to but the garden to bed. We will get a load of compost in a few weeks and he will turn it into the vegetable beds to break down over the winter. I will dig the dahlia tubers and tuck them into the garage, crossing my fingers they will survive.
As our climate changes I have had to learn to give and take from my gardens. Leaning new tricks and ways to make things flourish.
For there are certain things I feel to be beautiful and good and I hunger for them.
***
As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.”
— Eckhart Tolle
Male house finch, September 2025 - In the back yard
If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you no doubt have found it a bit depressing at times. For years depression was at the forefront of the images I took. I needed some daily beauty to lift me out of the hole I wallowed in. Luckily my camera fit the bill. It helped to switch off the hopelessness I often felt, replacing it with creative curiosity.
I have come to understand that if we live long enough we are going to suffer pain. A good life, a life well lived, is not always blissful or beautiful, but rather sprinkled with questions, obstacles, fear, uncertainty, pain and bad decisions. The only way to get through unscathed, is to do nothing. To just close your self off and wait. I have tried that, along with too many other things that I won’t mention here. But somewhere in the middle of all that searching for a cure I have come to understand I must embrace both the good and the bad, for we don’t measure a life worth living by comparing our suffering and joy.
For some reason I landed here some 15 years ago, and am still here, with no intention of stopping, for I see the work is not a done deal. But let’s just say I see things a little differently today. Relishing in the fact that I am still around to grumble and have a say about my life is a gift. One I don’t intend to take for granted any longer.
***
“Once every so often—at the very most—I think someone actually chooses something.
Otherwise we’re following something—we don’t even know what it is but we follow it,”
― Elizabeth Strout, Oh William!
I sit as the day fades, watching the light change on the lake below us. Dinner is over, the kitchen clean and the leftovers tucked into the fridge. Soon I will head inside and watch some TV with him. The dog will curl up between us, knowing the day is coming to an end and he can now relax.
This is the time of day when I often feel like I should be doing something more productive with my life. I pause and remind myself of all that I accomplished today, a bit sad that three loads of laundry and digging the last of the potatoes for dinner tonight became the highlights. I am gentle with myself however, as I am learning that the path I follow, at this point in my life, can be up to me. All I have to do is choose it.
***
“Ask yourself about the kind of life you want: What would you do day to day, and with whom, and where? Consider the life you have. Do one thing today, however small, to close the gap between the two.” - Maggie Smith
Summer was full of goodness mixed with a bit of nostalgia. I swear I relived every season of my life. Either by landscapes and gatherings that brought me back to my childhood, or through images I culled as I cleaned up the images on my computer.
But as I culled those images I slowly began to understand that I don’t need to try and “fix” myself but rather listen to myself more closely. I was burning myself out trying to make sure everyone around me was taken care of, at a huge sacrifice to myself. This is my time. My time to fill my world with all the beauty, kindness, and love I can muster. My time to come here to write a few words, post a few photos and walk away knowing I have lived today. Be it a good day or bad… I am here.
***
“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit,
and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”
― Henry David Thoreau
I can feel fall in the air even as the sun shines strong. Fall is by far my favorite season, a bit ahead of spring. They are the shifting seasons, the ones that wake me up, and often bring me to my knees to get a closer look. The plums and apples ripen and fall off the trees, and we pick the last of the tomatoes. I cut flowers to bring inside and head to the fish market to get fish for the freezer. We go to bed with the windows open, only to reach for the blanket down by our feet in the middle of the night because we are cold. Fall brings a sense of coziness and hope, both which I need desperately.
***
“Art is what can’t fit inside a person. The things that bubble over,”
― Fredrik Backman, My Friends
***
I put the bird feeder back up and it takes a few days for the birds to find it. I was happy to have them back at the feeder after a bit of a break over the summer. This one had just had a bath and I was so pleased to have caught her all fluffed out. I am calling this the official end to the 100 days of summer project, rounding up, as I have never really been much of a math person.
