my way of being in the world

“Living life as an artist is a practice.
You are either engaging in the practice or you’re not.
It makes no sense to say you’re not good at it. It’s like saying, “I’m not good at being a monk.
You are either living as a monk or you’re not.
We tend to think of the artist’s work as the output.
The real work of the artist
is a way of being in the world.”

― Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being

It has been almost a months since I posted here, a break I didn’t plan or really see coming. I have no explanation, other than to say that life was overwhelming, leaving me a bit paralyzed, and in need of a rest. During this down time I walked the garden in the early morning, always with my camera and my heavy coat. I craved the morning light both inside and out and turned my face upward toward the sun whenever I could. I tried to read, but found I couldn’t manage more than a few pages before I had to set the book down, so I listened to poetry on podcasts and stayed away from the news. I went to be early, and slept in. I spent some time considering ways I might remodel this space, turn it into something with more content, and some wise words, but that only added to the stress. So I stepped back, and let things simmer.

I started taking note of my moods and how they changed throughout each day and paid attention to the things that boiled up to the top. I did my best to allow those things to rise to the top and boil over, hoping they would clear up more space and time for me. Time for me to find my way of being in the world.

And, if are reading this, thanks for sticking around. It means a lot to me.

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the now

“Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.”

― Sylvia Plath

I steal ten minute moments throughout each day. Ten minutes of quiet while I fold a load of clothes. Ten minutes, bundled up against the cold, watching the birds. Ten minutes before starting dinner to snuggle with the dog. Ten minutes to follow the rabbit footprints leading out the back gate. All of this is the now and I am working on clinging to it.

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bits and pieces of january

"Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs.
One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."

Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest

January was full of magical light, time spent with family, and a birthday celebration for our now five year old. I purposely pulled myself inward, working on ways I might quiet my life down, and explored ways I might fill the empty dark spaces lingering inside me with more meaning, and more self refection. I contemplated this space constantly. Questioning the worthiness of my words and images. Wondering if they speak to anyone else but me? Wondering if that even matters? I hauled myself out of rabbit holes, did my best to turn my back on mindless internet/phone strolling, and started removing myself from tons of unwanted emails from websites I no longer want (which is proving harder than I imagined). I took time to clean all my camera lenses and updated the firmware. I watched a few movies, took a few naps, talked photography with a friend, and relished in those new found moments, when I had nothing I needed to do. Oh, and I made muffins.

***

“Anyhow, the older I get, the less impressed I become with originality. These days, I’m far more moved by authenticity. Attempts at originality can often feel forced and precious, but authenticity has quiet resonance that never fails to stir me.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

It feels a little bit like a fresh start.

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The kitchen, without doubt, was the center of creation, all things revolved about it; it was the pediment that sustained the temple.
~ Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury


Dinner and football.

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